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Jokes about famous football players

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David Beckham

Q. If David Beckham were to become one of the Spice Girls which one would he turnout to be?

A. Waste of Spice!

Q. What is the difference between an aeroplane kit and David Beckham?

A.One is a glueless kit, the other is a clueless git.

Q. What did David Beckham have for breakfast this morning?

A. Who cares.

Q. What have a Cartier watch and David Beckham got in common?

A. Both come in a Posh Box.

David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank.

"I'd like to donate some sperm," he says to the receptionist.

"Certainly, Sir," she replies. "Have you donated before?"

"Yes," replies Beckham, "you should have my details on your computer."

"Oh, Yes, I've found your details," says the receptionist, "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?"

"Why do I need help to donate sperm?" asks Beckham.

"Well," the receptionist replies, "it says on your record that you're a useless wanker."

David Beckham wakes up one morning, showers and puts on his best tracksuit, ready for another hard day's work at being an over privileged little creep.
Catching sight of himself in the mirror, he thinks, "By God, Dave, you're looking good this morning."

He admires the fine cut of his outfit and flexes his biceps. "Feeling good, too," he notes proudly at the firm swell of muscle underneath the kit he's wearing. He enters the kitchen and Posh, his bird, hands him a bowl of corn flakes.
"You're looking fit this morning, Dave," she says.

"To be sure," he replied appreciatively. "I feel good as well."

"But, Dave, you're not smelling so good, mind," comments his beloved.

Dave takes a sniff. "You're right there," he says worriedly, "I am smelling a bit rough."

He eats his cereal, downs his cup of coffee and sets off for Old Trafford.

"Good morning to you, sweetie," he grins at Alex Ferguson.

"It's a fine morning, Dave," says Alex, "and you're looking really good."

"Why, thank you. I look good and I feel pretty good as well," says Dave, flexing both arms for his benefit.

"But, Dave," winces Alex in disgust, "you smell awful."

More than a bit worried now, Dave visits his doctor.

"Doc, I've got a problem. I look good, I feel great, but I smell awful," says Dave.

The doctor reaches for his medical dictionary. "You look good ," he scans down the page, "you feel great ...but but smell awful. Hmmm yes! Well, it's all quite simple, Dave, all that's wrong with you is that you're a terminal Sh*t!


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