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Quick Irish jokes

It is said that in Ireland; if it looks like rain before a match, they play the extra time first.

The manager of an Irish club was talking to a young player who had applied for a trial with the club. 'Do you kick with both feet?' asked the manager.

'Don't be silly!' said the trialist. 'If I did that, I wouldn't be able to stand up, would I !'


A recent Irish League match between Newry and Larne, the visitors were awarded a penalty and the captain summoned his best player and said, 'I want you to take this one, Patrick. Just think hard as you kick -think which way the wind is blowing, and think which direction the keeper's going to jump.'

'Holy Mother!' said Patrick. 'Do you expect me to think and kick at the same time?'

Is your new striker fast?'

`Is he fast! He's so fast, the rest of the team have to run twice as fast just to keep up with him!'

Paddy: 'I couldn't get to the match last Saturday. What was the score?'
Mick: 'Nil-nil.'
Paddy: `What was it at half-time?'

The manager and coach of an Irish team were discussing the layers they had on their books and the manager asked, 'How many goals has O'Halloran scored this season?'

'Exactly double what he scored last season,' replied the coach. `Eleven.'

`I just don't understand it,' an Irish footballer complained.

`One match I play very well, then the next match I'm terrible.'

'Well,' said his wife, `why don't you just play every other match?'

`I don't care about results!' said an Irish team manager being interviewed on television. 'Just so long as our team wins!'

Two Irish tram managers promised their players a 1 pint of Guinness for every goal they scored during an important match. The final score was 119-98.

In the heat of the game, one of the players threw a vicious punch The victim was all set to get -stuck into him when the referee rushed up and held him back. 'Now then, O'Hara! You know you mustn't retaliate!'

'Come on ref!' said O'Hara. 'He retaliated first!'

Three football codes prevail in Ireland: Rugby, which is defined as a thugs' game played by gentlemen; soccer - a gentleman's game played by thugs; and Gaelic football - a thugs' game played by thugs!


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