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Footballing definitions

Football: A game consisting of 22 skilled players, one impartial referee, two eagle eyed referee's assistants and one stupid ball.

Teammate: Another person that you have to dribble around

Fans: Two sets of absusive referees

Offside: The Bermuda Triangle area of the pitch where "innocent" players are drawn towards.

Scoring: When 11 men spontaneously start dancing and kissing, regardless of any injuries, whilst 11 others droop like wallflowers

Striker: Faultless, overpaid, box hogging layabout who only misses the goal when he is fed a bad ball

Defender: Player who's function is to commit fouls just outside of the penalty area

Ball: Round object used by referees to entice players into comitting fouls


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